Come on Endorphins!

 I didn't really feel like going to the gym today even when I got there.  I just wanted to turn around and go back home and lay in bed and read.  It is so hard in the beginning because it takes weeks to notice a real difference.  I saw a fact tweet about weight loss. I went something like; it takes 4 weeks for you to notice a difference, 8 weeks for your close friends and family to notice, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world.  I don't know about you but 4 weeks seems like FOREVER!  I know that my will power is amazing right now.  The mystery is always how a person is going to feel 2-3-4-6 weeks out.  I just know that being responsible to everyone is a huge help.  I like a challenge.

Thankfully, after about 10 minutes on the treadmill I was able to feel my body working.  I am not sure if anyone knows but there is an actual endorphins released by the pituitary gland while you are working out that makes you feel...."Alive!!"  This endorphin and the feeling it produces is why some people do become addicted to exercise.  I can tell you 4 years ago I was in that very position. I hope for that to kick in here soon lol.   :))

Today's workout:  32 minutes on the treadmill (intervals of inclines), 20 minutes on a recline bike (not sure if that is the official name)(This is a good one to do if your back starts hurting, 10 minutes elliptical.  Total workout:  62 minutes

It feels like the first time...AGAIN!

Well I did it.  I joined a gym again.  I have had both types of experiences with a gym.  The first time I joined I was dedicated.  I even got what you could call "addicted" to the gym.  I would spend hours there and even go twice a day.  Then I joined again and I lasted about two weeks and would make up every excuse in the world to stop.  Now I have so many reasons NOT to stop. This is my last chance to start a new life for me. FOR ME!

You know as a mother I have been far from perfect.  I still make mistakes to this day.  I probably will make many more.  What I do know is I put every dream I had on hold to raise my children.  You know I had big dreams.  I was the person who at a very young age was considered extremely intelligent.  I was the person who was suppose to "make it".   I do not regret being a mother to my children. They are my world.  What I do regret is that I failed to see what damage I was doing to myself.  I am not JUST talking about the weight.  I am talking about emotionally.  Now I do not mean that being a stay at home mother caused me to be depressed, it didn't.  Have you ever head if you tell someone something long enough that they start to believe it.  I did just that.  What I told myself, I will save it for another blog but lets just say it lead to a lot of bad behaviors and self destruction.  I realize that I not only have to fix the outside.  I have to fix the inside as well.

I worked out for the first time last night and about 5 minutes in I was hurting.  Are you kidding me? It really puts it into perspective on how bad of shape I am in.  I did push through it.  I kept going.  It may not have been at a fast pace but I was moving. My first work out lasted 52 minutes and consisted of 20 minutes on the elliptical, 22 minutes on the treadmill, 10 minutes back on the elliptical.  I feel good about that workout other than facing reality about how BAD I have let my body become.  This morning when I woke up lol, wow ouch!  I cannot say it is "bad" pain but trust me my body is screaming at me. Despite that screaming I will be going back tonight.  I need to.