It feels like the first time...AGAIN!

Well I did it.  I joined a gym again.  I have had both types of experiences with a gym.  The first time I joined I was dedicated.  I even got what you could call "addicted" to the gym.  I would spend hours there and even go twice a day.  Then I joined again and I lasted about two weeks and would make up every excuse in the world to stop.  Now I have so many reasons NOT to stop. This is my last chance to start a new life for me. FOR ME!

You know as a mother I have been far from perfect.  I still make mistakes to this day.  I probably will make many more.  What I do know is I put every dream I had on hold to raise my children.  You know I had big dreams.  I was the person who at a very young age was considered extremely intelligent.  I was the person who was suppose to "make it".   I do not regret being a mother to my children. They are my world.  What I do regret is that I failed to see what damage I was doing to myself.  I am not JUST talking about the weight.  I am talking about emotionally.  Now I do not mean that being a stay at home mother caused me to be depressed, it didn't.  Have you ever head if you tell someone something long enough that they start to believe it.  I did just that.  What I told myself, I will save it for another blog but lets just say it lead to a lot of bad behaviors and self destruction.  I realize that I not only have to fix the outside.  I have to fix the inside as well.

I worked out for the first time last night and about 5 minutes in I was hurting.  Are you kidding me? It really puts it into perspective on how bad of shape I am in.  I did push through it.  I kept going.  It may not have been at a fast pace but I was moving. My first work out lasted 52 minutes and consisted of 20 minutes on the elliptical, 22 minutes on the treadmill, 10 minutes back on the elliptical.  I feel good about that workout other than facing reality about how BAD I have let my body become.  This morning when I woke up lol, wow ouch!  I cannot say it is "bad" pain but trust me my body is screaming at me. Despite that screaming I will be going back tonight.  I need to.