It has been so long since I have written and with no babies this weekend I just may have to get this blog "a movin". One thing if you do happen to drift onto my blog you will notice that I am not a professional writer (although I have had poetry published) and that my writing style is pretty laid back. I am not a grammar and punctuation Nazi so if mistakes bother you, this may not be the blog for you lol.
So yesterday I made two videos and sat down last night to edit them and was so horrified by the way I looked that I immediately deleted the footage and decided I would redo them today when I had the chance to tame my crazy hair. Something completely off subject here but do any of you notice that people with curly hair hate it and want straight hair and the people who have that almost always want the opposite. We as humans are never satisfied it seems. (Insert big sigh) So hopefully by this evening I will have at least one of those videos edited and up. Anyway back to where I was going besides the whole Medusa looking video footage…In the video I was talking about certain criticisms of my little "addiction" with Chipotle. I enjoy it and it doesn't make me gain weight unless I am there everyday (trust me if I could I would) but if you know chipotle. It isn't cheap. You are talking about 10$ or more a visit. Okay, okay let me get the mental images of deliciousness out of my mind and get to the point. My point is that I know that people are going to criticize just about everything I choose to put on the Internet about my journey. Just realize that as I say all the time in my videos, this is MY JOURNEY. This is what works for me. A quote that I like to remember is "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Yes, I used the word ain't… :O
I am not saying I am forgoing my goals to limit my love for the bowls but what I am saying is I am going to stop beating myself up for days if I choose to go get it.
I have been trying to really change my "negative" thinking. It does nothing but make me stress and who needs more stress in their lives? Not me, that is for sure. It is November. We should all be getting into the mindset of being thankful. I am THANKFUL I am able to even lose a pound. I am THANKFUL I do not weigh very close to 300 pounds anymore. And while I mention that, let me just say, I am quite sure I did hit 300 pounds at one point but didn't actually see it because I was so scared of the scale and in denial.
I just want people to realize that a person on a weight loss journey, or any journey through life probably will not be perfect and it does not make them failures in what they are doing. This is my journey and it has been filled with many hills and even some deserts but I continue to move and will forever continue to plow forward with or without any ones approval except my own. It is my turn to be just a little bit selfish. At 39 it is finally MY TIME.
May 2012 at nearly 300 pounds
