Needed to publish this somewhere

     Woke up this morning with a new outlook on life and now I will get something off my chest.  I have made mistakes in my life. HUGE, BIG mistakes.  Mistakes that haunt me every single day.  I have made so many changes in the last 4 years to make myself a better person. For those of you who knew me, I was pretty much psychotic.  I will NOT go into excuses why I was the way I was because to me, it isn't important. I will not play the role of victim, regardless if I was or not. I am 41 years old.  I would rather be held accountable for my own "crazy".

     I have lost nearly 100 pounds (gained back a few but was over 100), started going to church (I haven't been in a little while but that will change), started college and will graduate with 3 degrees by the end of May. I got a job through my college and even run my own tutoring business which I don't do just for money but mainly because I LOVE helping others.

      So here it is.  People do change.  People evolve and reminding them at EVERY DARN opportunity mistakes that they made doesn't help ANYONE! Making someone else feel worthless doesn't change the past. I am not the person I was 10 years ago.  I wasn't the person I was 3 years ago or yesterday. I do not know that person anymore.  So a bit of advice to everyone, never judge a person on past mistakes because there is no one who is mistake free, two wrongs do not make a right. judge a person on the here and now for what you know and have observed about them. By no means is this an admission of ANYTHING but I have done wrong. I know people will believe what they want to believe anyway. I love the person I am today and try to remind myself of the changes I have made daily. You can never take away things you have done but you can apologize and pray to the good Lord for forgiveness and you can change and that is all you can do.

Life Lessons

   

 Some of the biggest lessons I have learned in my 41 years of being on this planet.

• You cannot please everyone
• You are only liked as much as long as you are useful to some people
• You can be the best thing since sliced bread until you tell someone the truth
• You cannot take things personally.  People will blame you for their mistakes and bad decisions before they accept responsibility. 
• You cannot make an important decision out of anger, happiness, or sadness.

What are some of your personal biggest lessons?

Food is a true addiction

      I lost 103 pounds.  I developed a relationship with God.  I went after and completed my first degree. I started working and have been really successful.  I LOVE helping others and seeing them succeed.  I took their failures as my failures and tried harder.  What I realize is that I stopped helping myself and in less than a year I have gained 31 pounds back.  I have allowed food to regain it's power over me.  I have continued to work out 3-4 days per week but trust me when I say that it is true that you cannot out work a bad diet.  "I went to the gym today so I can eat those peanut butter M&M's." is bullshit.  Those M&M's were my latest victim.  Now I am sicker than a dog.  I know better! I need to remember where I was.  I need to remember the feeling of where I was.  I remember crying and making the video where I finally hit that 100 pounds mark.  I remember fitting into a size 14. Now I am back in a 18 and borderline going back into a 3x shirt.

     Weight loss is such a roller coaster ride.  It's lonely and I am learning that it is unpopular.  You need a support system.  You need friends who will smack the crap out of your hands.  Trust me, I do have several of them. You also need to realize that (and trust me I am talking to myself) bringing snacks into the house "for the grand babies" is an excuse to have it around.  Food is an addiction.  You bring cookies, brownies, and Peanut butter M&M's around an addict is like putting wine in a house with an alcoholic.

    So here is to day 1..again.
It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up.

Fighting back

I'm ready!

What they think of you is not your business

     It's scary how much a person can change in a year.  That is one reason I love time hop. I was just negative and mean.  I tried to prove everyone wrong.
God forbid that anyone would say anything about me or my family.  I really felt like I was doing them an injustice by not "setting the world straight." What a difference a year makes.
 
     What a difference going to church and developing a relationship with Jesus has made.  I realize that people who do not like you don't want to hear the truth.  I realized that caring about what anyone says isn't hurting them,  it impedes my journey.  I was taking time away from the important things in my life to address people who wouldn't like me or my family even if we were perfect.  Perfection doesn't exist by the way.  As the great Martin Luther King Jr. Said,  "A man can't ride your back unless it's bent. " Steve Harvey said,  "when they blog about you,  it's just a blog,  when you respond it's a press conference. "

     The truth is,  if I were really a child of God and I loved myself,  I wouldn't care what was said.  The most important people know the truth and that's all that matters.  When people talk about you,  you're doing something right.  When you stop your climb to acknowledge hatred, you're doing something wrong. Pray for them instead.  God tells us to love even your enemies. 

Kristy

Parenting mistake

  Omgosh, "MiMi" is admitting she made a parenting mistake? Well DUH!
Let me just get this declaration out of the way; every parent messes up their child or children in some way. We have all heard of the phase, "parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual." Well, it doesn't.  If you are strict, you may have rebellion. If you aren't strict, you may have rebellion. 


  So what mistake am I admitting?  I admit that I have put a "lid" on my children.  By the way, the inspiration to for this blog came from a chapter in the book, "Act like a success, think like a success" by Steve Harvey. When I read the chapter I realized I was extremely guilty.  I am taking ownership for a mistake that I realize has hindered my children.  Let me tell you, not even halfway through this blog, I feel liberated just by admitting this. 

Growing up in West Virginia although with parents who always worked very hard, I still was considered poor by many.  Don't get me wrong, I had clothes, shoes, a home, etc.  I always appreciated everything I had despite being jealous of others and what they had.  I just accepted that I would never have those things.  I accepted the fact that their families were better than mine.  YES I KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE, but to a child, it certainly can seem that way.

I was often intimidated by those more fortunate than I was.  I felt I never had anything in common with them, I mean I couldn't talk to them about my Nike shoes.  I never owed any until I was much older.  So I stayed away and stuck to those who were like me.

So when I made the decision at 18 to not accept the scholarship I was offered in order to be a wife, I felt content because that was my normal. 

Unfortunately I also raised my children the same way with some good and not so good exceptions.

I always wanted my children to exceed my accomplishments so that is why I never gave them an option about attending college.  They knew that was what their natural progression would be when they finished high school.  Call me forceful, Idc.  I feel a person cannot change without being challenged.    I always wanted my children to have certain things I did not have so yes I did buy them the Nike shoes, the high end make up, the ridiculously expensive private cheerleading lessons. Yes, there are good things about that, and there are also bad which I will not get into this time. 

What I did do which I KNOW was wrong was tell them that people who had rich parents, people who had better jobs, etc. were different than they were and to be careful.

WOW! Yes that sounds even worse when I write it down.  What I have learned is that who we surround ourselves by will dictate  a lot about who we are both now and in our future.  If you want better, you have to do better.  You have to hang out with people who are where you want to be. 

You have to prove to YOURSELF, that you are no different.  They have invaluable lessons they can teach you just by being around them.  We cannot allow fear of rejection to hinder us from becoming what we inspire to be.  So if you look to your left and look to your right and those around you are not where you want to be, start walking and don't look back.  

Weather

     I do about you guys but I'm already dreading winter. I have already been sick twice.  I'm praying I can get well so I can drive the mile to our local Walgreens to get my flu shot. I'll save the vaccine argument for another entry but folks get your flu shot.  Sup bugs are on the rise and some of this stuff is deadly.

      I haven't been able to get to the gym this week and that doesn't make a happy me. So if you're in a praying mood, say one for me.