Hi, my name is Kristy and I'm a doormat

I am coming to realize I have a real problem with being a doormat. I didn't use to be this way. I was known for my strength. I give people way too many chances. I allow people to lie on me, disrespect me, anger me, hurt me, and abuse me and I just keep on treating them as if they have done the opposite.

     I think I have pretty good intuition and overall I am pretty smart but I ignore facts and signs. 

1. If someone only talks to you when they need or want something .....

2. When someone will eat you up to your face and then trash you to others....

3. When you are always the last option on their want to spend time with you lost...

4. When you have to make a mental note a mile long of things or subjects that is off limits...

5. When you are good enough to come to for help but not good enough to be on their social media....like you're hidden or that maybe people will see through their wall of bullshit...

6. And when that person makes you feel worthless despite your accomplishments.....

I need to start respecting myself. I need to start demanding respect from others and remove them from my life if they cannot treat me as I deserve to be treated. 

This goes to show that educating yourself can change your perception

     It may be shocking to know that marijuana was a part of the pharmacopeia industry from the 1840’s until 1941 when it was removed and eventually declared illegal by the Controlled Substance Act of 1970.  Since that time many states have defied federal regulations and re-categorized marijuana as a schedule II drug, instead of the federal categorization that makes it a schedule I.  Despite personal opinions about recreational use, there are instances in which the effectiveness of Marijuana as a medication has been documented. Many also believe that the federal government does not have the right to regulate an issue that should be handled at a state level. 

     To effectively argue which conditions medical marijuana should be made under to make it legal; one must consider its potential purpose as well as its effectiveness against the potential harmful influences.  Marijuana produces a resin containing compounds called cannabinoids.  Cannabinoids are active chemicals in Cannabis that cause drug-like effects throughout the body, including the central nervous system and the immune system. According to the National Cancer Institute, cannabinoids have been researched and there is evidence for clinical for relief of pain, nausea and vomiting, anxiety, loss of appetite, and many more ailments. It is important to note that privately funded research has shown that when you heat cannabis you do lose 99 percent of the beneficial properties.  When talking to most people who are against legalization they seem to have a lot of the same arguments.  The main one is that marijuana was not adequately tested nor approved by the FDA.  From my research there has only been one credible source of quality marijuana that scientist could use for research.  Dr. Lyle Cracker, a professor applied to get a license to grow the plant and conduct a five million dollar study to alter inhaled or vaporized marijuana into something the FDA would approve for medicinal purposes.  It took Dr. Cracker nearly four years to be granted permission.  Two years later, the DEA Deputy Administrator overturned that decision. Lyle retired at the age of 70 but remained a strong supporter of medicinal marijuana.

      In 1996 California voters passed Proposition 215, otherwise known as the Compassionate Use Act of 1996. This was the first time a state defied the federal government. This allowed extremely ill patients to obtain and use marijuana for medicinal purposes.  It also prevented these patients from being prosecuted as criminals. It has not been easy for California or any other states that have implemented laws as this one. It is important to note that marijuana remains a schedule I drug and is still illegal by their law. The federal government has fought this every step of the way.  Their efforts have included by threats to physicians who wrote prescriptions and to property owners who rented to people who were running dispensaries.  The states feel it is a question of personal rights and listening to the citizens that elect them. They feel that the government has no basis for making a decision regarding individuals’ health care choices.  The federal governments argument is linked to the commerce clause. If you do not know what that is, I encourage you to go read about it.

     What still remains a mystery is why there is such opposition by the federal government. Why exactly did marijuana become illegal in the first place? The only answers I came across in my research was a spike in crime was linked to a surge of Mexican marijuana smokers crossing our borders. Even through the current presidential term our government refuses to even consider federally funded research.

     In conclusion to this longstanding argument between the federal government and state, while I will NEVER change my opinion about recreational use,  it is my belief that the federal government has over stepped their bounds. When our founding fathers created the constitution they granted power to the federal government over areas of military crimes, treason, and counterfeiting.  The laws are gray when it comes to government versus state when it comes to matters such as this topic. Finally, are we not supposed to lead the medical industry? I would think that they would be anxious to disprove the effectiveness of cannibus if they are so against it. The FDA needs to regulate it to ensure it is safe for those who do make the choice to use. It is my opinion that after more research and credible experiments that a plan be put into action to legalize marijuana for medicinal use.  This of coarse is assuming a positive result. Marijuana does have side affects but what medication does not?

Needed to publish this somewhere

     Woke up this morning with a new outlook on life and now I will get something off my chest.  I have made mistakes in my life. HUGE, BIG mistakes.  Mistakes that haunt me every single day.  I have made so many changes in the last 4 years to make myself a better person. For those of you who knew me, I was pretty much psychotic.  I will NOT go into excuses why I was the way I was because to me, it isn't important. I will not play the role of victim, regardless if I was or not. I am 41 years old.  I would rather be held accountable for my own "crazy".

     I have lost nearly 100 pounds (gained back a few but was over 100), started going to church (I haven't been in a little while but that will change), started college and will graduate with 3 degrees by the end of May. I got a job through my college and even run my own tutoring business which I don't do just for money but mainly because I LOVE helping others.

      So here it is.  People do change.  People evolve and reminding them at EVERY DARN opportunity mistakes that they made doesn't help ANYONE! Making someone else feel worthless doesn't change the past. I am not the person I was 10 years ago.  I wasn't the person I was 3 years ago or yesterday. I do not know that person anymore.  So a bit of advice to everyone, never judge a person on past mistakes because there is no one who is mistake free, two wrongs do not make a right. judge a person on the here and now for what you know and have observed about them. By no means is this an admission of ANYTHING but I have done wrong. I know people will believe what they want to believe anyway. I love the person I am today and try to remind myself of the changes I have made daily. You can never take away things you have done but you can apologize and pray to the good Lord for forgiveness and you can change and that is all you can do.

Life Lessons

   

 Some of the biggest lessons I have learned in my 41 years of being on this planet.

• You cannot please everyone
• You are only liked as much as long as you are useful to some people
• You can be the best thing since sliced bread until you tell someone the truth
• You cannot take things personally.  People will blame you for their mistakes and bad decisions before they accept responsibility. 
• You cannot make an important decision out of anger, happiness, or sadness.

What are some of your personal biggest lessons?

Food is a true addiction

      I lost 103 pounds.  I developed a relationship with God.  I went after and completed my first degree. I started working and have been really successful.  I LOVE helping others and seeing them succeed.  I took their failures as my failures and tried harder.  What I realize is that I stopped helping myself and in less than a year I have gained 31 pounds back.  I have allowed food to regain it's power over me.  I have continued to work out 3-4 days per week but trust me when I say that it is true that you cannot out work a bad diet.  "I went to the gym today so I can eat those peanut butter M&M's." is bullshit.  Those M&M's were my latest victim.  Now I am sicker than a dog.  I know better! I need to remember where I was.  I need to remember the feeling of where I was.  I remember crying and making the video where I finally hit that 100 pounds mark.  I remember fitting into a size 14. Now I am back in a 18 and borderline going back into a 3x shirt.

     Weight loss is such a roller coaster ride.  It's lonely and I am learning that it is unpopular.  You need a support system.  You need friends who will smack the crap out of your hands.  Trust me, I do have several of them. You also need to realize that (and trust me I am talking to myself) bringing snacks into the house "for the grand babies" is an excuse to have it around.  Food is an addiction.  You bring cookies, brownies, and Peanut butter M&M's around an addict is like putting wine in a house with an alcoholic.

    So here is to day 1..again.
It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up.

Fighting back

I'm ready!