MY WORTH!

    Isn't it crazy how much your mind can change when it has something different to focus on?
I am 39 years old.  I have been a mother for almost 20 years of my life.  I am not a perfect mother.  I have made many, many mistakes.  I will probably make a few more.  A mother doesn't stop being a mother just because her children reach the age of 18.  I feel, as any mother does, that my children are the best.  I gladly gave up college and a career to stay at home with my children.  Now, medical issues played a part in that as well but I did it with a smile on my face.

     Something I always kept in mind as a mother is that my two perfect babies NEVER asked to be brought into this world.  I gave and gave willingly.  If I had 50 extra dollars my children got it. I lived my life that way and I would do it again a million times over so when I say this do not think for a moment I regret any of it.

     I already talked about being just absolutely disgusted at what I have made my children endure because of my choices and I can never take that back.  I also cannot take back at what those choices have done to me.  My body.. and not the outside. I mean the inside.  I think I convinced myself that I didn't deserve anything.  ANYTHING.
I can count the amount of pants I own on one hand.  I can count the amount of Bras I own on less than that.  I really started thinking about this when I joined July's challenge group and we got our challenges for each day of the week.  Wednesday is high heel day.  Folks, I own not one pair of high heels.  I own not one dress.  I own not one outfit I could wear to an interview. I use my daughters make up.  I wear her earrings.  I use her hair products.
I started to workout for me.  I love that I started doing SOMETHING for myself.  I have lost over 40 pounds.  I have gotten stronger.  I am a much happier person and you know what I know I DESERVE to have that pair of heels and when I reach 75 pounds that is exactly what I am going to do.  It may be a simple pair of shoes that I probably will never wear but it's more than that to me.  It's a symbol of my worth.  Realizing that giving to MYSELF ONCE IN A WHILE doesn't make me a bad mother.